Wednesday, May 20, 2015


The last picture I really loved as a 16 year old being (I could've chosen a selfie but that's everyday ya feel)  The washed out orange glow and purple sum up the hues of a sunset-- nature's way of signaling an approaching end <3

In less than an hour, I'll be turning 17, reaching the ending point of my "forever" in tavi gevinson terms. I've always felt that the true essence of youth is spiritual thus possible of being eternal, forever. So I don't fear getting older. It's just all a little weird. Right now I'm trying to sift through so many emotions of utter excitement and strange rifts of nostalgia for my ever receding childhood that didn't contain stress over college decisions, finances, grades, the future in general, etc. Like today, I interviewed a band director at my school who's retiring, and one of his pieces of advice for present students was: don't blink. Don't blink, he said, because before you know it you'll be walking across the stage at graduation. Next year I'm going to be a senior which PUMPS ME UP but still holds a faint sense of weirdness. I'm turning 17 in less than an hour and even though I'm trying to stay cool, I'm happy and curious and excited about it. I'm sitting on my bed in my room crying over simple realizations like the fact that pretty soon, my childhood room that's seen so many phases and bad paint jobs will become a thing of the past and I'll soon not feel the odd security of teenagedom. But I know that this isn't about "growing up" or "growing old"; it's the impending responsiblities I'll naturally have to take on that's suddenly now becoming surreal. My "forever" has a year left in this world structured around time. With fire and lust for life inside me, I accept that, for I will always have forever within me. 


“What kept me sane was knowing that things would change, and it was a question of keeping myself together until they did.”
 -Nina Simone

In every place on Earth, no matter how seemingly desolate or uncool, I believe there is at least one hidden gem that glitters amongst the grey. I live on the coast, so there's a lot of islander, art culture which is great, but sometimes the Dave Matthews Band, barefoot type of white dad music that is often hailed around here gets a little a lot cringy. Only just recently did I discover this tiny tucked away record store, and I almost caused an accident slowing down to squint at it.


I went down one day after school last week and was talking with the owner about the value and recent attraction towards physical music like vinyls and cassettes. ALTHOUGH I highly recognize and appreciate the convience of digital music, he said some things that really resonated with me. Plus, the image of seeing your favorite records spin, and then possibly one day showing your children the music you used to listen to in adolescence is so special to me and worth ensuring.

"Music first started out as a tangible item. Now, it can just be plucked out of the air. The listening experience is enhanced through art, something to hold, something more than just the song."

THE most comfiest stoner couch you could ever sit on. There's also a back room that has bead curtains leading to it, so I think I might've gotten a second hand high just from the #aesthetics alone

"There's a warmth to a vinyl recording as opposed to a digital recording. Some see [vinyl] as a soul as opposed to another file on a computer."

All that talk about ~soul~ got me thinking about artists like Nina Simone who not only embodied soul but in many ways defined it. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" introduced me to Nina and I've increasingly become curious about her enveloping, warmth truth about social issues, love, mental health, and the black experience.

Ya girl Nina was already doing these lethal poses long before we caught on

I almost died from watching the season finale of Scandal last thursday, but I was brought back to life with Nina's croon playing at the episode's end <33