The last picture I really loved as a 16 year old being (I could've chosen a selfie but that's everyday ya feel) The washed out orange glow and purple sum up the hues of a sunset-- nature's way of signaling an approaching end <3
In less than an hour, I'll be turning 17, reaching the ending point of my "forever" in tavi gevinson terms. I've always felt that the true essence of youth is spiritual thus possible of being eternal, forever. So I don't fear getting older. It's just all a little weird. Right now I'm trying to sift through so many emotions of utter excitement and strange rifts of nostalgia for my ever receding childhood that didn't contain stress over college decisions, finances, grades, the future in general, etc. Like today, I interviewed a band director at my school who's retiring, and one of his pieces of advice for present students was: don't blink. Don't blink, he said, because before you know it you'll be walking across the stage at graduation. Next year I'm going to be a senior which PUMPS ME UP but still holds a faint sense of weirdness. I'm turning 17 in less than an hour and even though I'm trying to stay cool, I'm happy and curious and excited about it. I'm sitting on my bed in my room crying over simple realizations like the fact that pretty soon, my childhood room that's seen so many phases and bad paint jobs will become a thing of the past and I'll soon not feel the odd security of teenagedom. But I know that this isn't about "growing up" or "growing old"; it's the impending responsiblities I'll naturally have to take on that's suddenly now becoming surreal. My "forever" has a year left in this world structured around time. With fire and lust for life inside me, I accept that, for I will always have forever within me.